Compile Tips for My Change Team

Every successful self-changer and every behavioral researcher will give you the same advice: buddy up!  Helping relationships, or social supports, are a vigorous predictor of success. We work better by working together.

Now that you have assembled your change team, this activity will help you create a pithy, concise list that you can share with them.  Create it, print it, distribute it!

Here’s a template that you can personalize to your own needs.  This is a list of possible Dos and Don’ts for you to complete. Remember that your list should be specific to you and members of your change team.

Return to this page frequently to construct do’s and don’ts for (1) different people or (2) different goals.

Creating your own list of Dos and Don’ts will help the members of your change team understand your needs in the change process.

Type in the name of the recipient, type in your name and date.  Then start listing those Do’s and Don’ts for your change team. We have listed a bunch to get you started; put some more tips in, take some tips out. The form below allows you to add tips and delete tips.

Get down to a maximum of, say, 10 dos and 10 don’ts so that you don’t overwhelm them. Hit the high points.

When complete, print out the tips for your change team and share it with them.

Simply fill in your name, team person, goal behavior, and date into the blanks below.

To: (name of change team person)
From: (your name)
Re: My (goal behavior)

A brief reminder of how you can help me – and not annoy me – as I try to change over the next 90 days. Thank you, in advance, for your support!

To remove Do’s and Don’ts, double click the phrases below. Add your own guidelines by filling in the boxes and clicking ‘Add.’


  • Listen to me as I express my feelings.
  • Support me when things get tough.
  • Help lift me up when I look discouraged and feel like giving up.
  • Offer constructive criticism when I am off track.
  • Be optimistic and reassure me of my goal.
  • Help me avoid high-risk situations
  • Congratulate me when I am on track
  • Remind me of my goal when I stray from it.
  • Check-in with me several times a week for a healthy dose of support.
  • If you can only dedicate a certain amount of time, let me know your limitations.
  • Help me track my problem—what triggers it and what maintains it.
  • Help keep me on track, remind me to keep going.
  • Be around should I slip
  • Challenge and compete with me
  • Follow up on my progress
  • Help me to practice saying “no”
  • Help me prepare a slip card
Add +

  • Lecture me – please stay constructive
  • Assume this change contract is only about me. Let me know what might help you, too.
  • Convey despair about my effort to change. Keep it positive.
  • Judge my desire to change.
  • Provide guilt and sarcasm: I do enough of those by myself.
  • Impose your way of changing on me.
  • Become impatient with me; self-change is a lot of work.
  • Minimize my efforts; this is important to me.
Add +